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  • Becky Tesch

What am I holding on to?


I clench my jaw at night. For MANY years. I'm 42. My parents say that they could hear my teeth grinding when I was little and they'd check on my when I was sleeping. I do it hard enough that it hurts in the morning. I've had tons of dental work and several night guards made for TMJ sufferers.

It's this big painful ongoing thing that I haven't been about to solve.

Not even with Yoga.

GASP!

I know.

So far anyhow... I guess for a long time I've seen it as a physical issue, (and I see myself as a person without a lot of emotional baggage, so I usually think I don't have big mental stuff to work on, aside from everyday stuff like dips in confidence and whatnot.) But I'm starting to see that I'm going to have to dive into heavy emotional work for this one. And that I do actually have some heavy stuff to work on. And that even though I know, and I tell everyone else, that it's ALLL connected, I've not put together or worked on some big things for myself. And I think this holding on/jaw issue might open a big set of issues that I've boxed up and nailed shut. It's going to be sucky to open it nad start unpacking. I'm nervous, and honestly a little irritated that I have to take the time for this. But it has to be done.

What am I holding onto? Pretty much everything. In my head, heart, AND in my physical life. Emotional memories, mistakes, regrets, hurts to my heart, as well as physical material objects. I make art and jewelry out of the junk I keep. It's part of my little business, and my income, but I’ve accumulated more than I need even for that business. It’s really fucking hard to let go of things. It's hard to forgive myself, it's hard to forgive others. It's hard not to constantly try to problem solve a million things in my head.

Another answer however could be, that I don't know, and I'm going to have to do some less clear, less definitive energy work to clear it. I know this: I want to stop clenching my jaw. It's really causing pain, and the night guard situation is unsustainable. So, my solution now is to keep up with Asana, go to this new chiropractor who claims she can help with this, (and I believe her.) and tell the universe that I want to let go of whatever it is I"m clenching for. Please.

This post has no pretty bow to wrap it up. This is just where I'm at. How about you?


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© 2016 by Becky Tesch, Beaten Path LTD., DBA Becky Tesch Yoga.